Monday, December 14, 2009

My Favorite Market that I still even dream about...and Other Beach Dreams


Back in 2004 for 18 months my son and I lived in Pacific Grove California, and it was an amazing experience. In Many ways it was the hardest time of my life and in other ways it was the greatest adventure.We lived in a dilapitated old Victorian Rooming House and we shared a room. I had a window over the little Corner Kitchen Sink. I could stand in the mornings and make Tea and smell the Ocean and taste the breeze.At nigh the Deer would come munch on the bushes and shrubs at the bottom of the stairs, and my basset Abby would look at them softly with her big brown eyes. (Abby had spent her early years on a farm,so we thought that maybe she viewed them as goats.) And at night the seals would bark down at the Beach mere blocks away -So Abby would yodel back to them. My son and I boogied boarded and got wet suits and explored the Tide Pools and located Sandwich shops. And we figured out whenever the Power went out due to Storms, which was often, that many little shops halfpriced their goods.

And we found the Pacific Grove Market, that was full of Wonders, British Teas and cookies, and fresh fruits and vegetables.And we became "Fun Doo" Experts dipping vegis and fruit and bagels in the warm gooey crockpot of cheese. And we made Noodles with all kinds of vegetables.And we read many books and newspapers blissfully. And the Library turned out to be a wonderful find,walking there to treasure hunt.....it is those Memories I wrap around me late at night when it is cold and snowing....It is why I still wear my Flip Flops in the house....all year...It is why I dream about the Market at night....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Someone made a great Sunset video....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have dreamt about PG many times over the past month...I have no idea why....maybe I am homesick...anyways..all good memories...

Saturday, December 12, 2009

About Hope....It is a Journey, A Train Ride


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
{{ About the photo I wish I could remember who posted it on Twitter...I think it was MeanderingSoul, but not certain...either way it is so amazing }}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are lessons to be learned from this year. How to still have Hope in spite of great strife,obstruction,and Hate. How to hold it dear, how to nurture it, how to sustain it. I will never ever take it for granted again. I will never look at it as the Ticket to the Future, I will appreciate that like a Train Ride, there will be bumps in the path, and damage to the Tracks. There will be other passengers on the Train, some will lack manners and befoul the Journey. But as the train moves along the tracks we can move to another seat, look out another window,we can change the ride.....
~Miracles~ By Jefferson Starship....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tangerine Dream " Love on a Real Train" (note the Depression Era Footage...)

Thursday, December 03, 2009

About MS.....The Price of Reality...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Leaves have fallen now...all of them....and It is up to me to face some harsh Realities.

First off I need to say I am very very grateful that my son is growing up to be a Fine Young man and that he talks to me....and that he is a Thinking Caring Compassionate wise soul....and that he is and has been patient through all of this....and that his dad has been helping us get through a pretty miserable time....I am very thankful...and that is why I hate that my gratitude is so tarnished....

At some point I need to write about this....I need to let it out of my head...my heart...I need to find a way to fight it but still make peace with it...I need to find a way to have hope but make my way with this miserable companion.I have not a clue how to do any of those things...I have been the caregiver too long, I have no idea how to be anything else. How many years can I justify this lack of care ? Four? Five ? How long is too long ? 2005 seems like yesterday, it seems like 20 years ago.

The sad yet silly truth of it is- I have NO way to take care of it or deal with "It"- or even try to fight it. Not because I am not wise enough or brave enough, but because Corporate Entities have dictated my circumstances....I am UnInsured,Cancelled, soiled,spent,set aside like rotting garbage at a curb in my own country. How do I pretend to Understand or Explain THAT ? Or that it is happening to Millions of us ? How Can I say that it does not anger me?

During this Healthcare Battle I have been forced to examine much of my life has been manipulated and manhandled by Insurance Companies....and while working as a Nurse caring for hundreds of people, my own care was always rationed sparingly...It is senseless, demeaning, mind boggling. It means all that care I Gave meant Nothing in the scheme of things, that Giving Care is only meant for others, it has no value to the Bean Counters. Watching the DC Sausage Machine I was humiliated that suddenly the Costs of Healthcare were flung about the chambers like rotted vegetables. One GOP lawmaker said "that the Dems wanting to care for people was like watching a Wife let loose with a credit Card". And I watched Grassley quote Andrew Jackson- yes, the one president who died in 1845, and It gave new perspective to the phrase "Out of Touch". But the Corporations and the Lawmakers have Abandoned Humanity. And yes, abandoned millions of people just like me.

Can I face the next four years with No Insurance ?No real Medical Care? and No Chance of Insurance ? Is it right that I stay up night after night with THAT question banging through my brain,numbing my senses and wishing praying for another reality ? How many of us stay up night after night staring at a clock,listening to it tick, stealing time....the Worry Gift that it is. Time is no longer measured in Hours, it is measured in Dollars, and Lawmakers and Corporate Powers measure us in Dollars, not Life or Quality of Life. These past six months can not heal that perverse Reality.....

And I can not change that this reality hit after many monthes of watching HCR be haggled over like a grown hog....And hate mail that was beyond civilized,letters from those abroad questioning our Broken Country ( "What Kind of Country does not take care of it's People?" Your Healthcare System is like watching Katrina again" said a wise Scot)....I can not change that I had this Reality Correction during Thanksgiving, a time when I should be so grateful, and usually am....And I am left here angry,confused, dissillusioned.....like Millions of Americans....and deep down I think that What is Happening is Very UnAmerican.

Music to sooth...to heal..

Jakata....Seal and Thomas Newman...really stunning..."My Vision"

Monday, October 26, 2009

Autumn skies...


I came out of the market after getting Sunday groceries...and this site took my breath away....I don't think my cellphone totally captured the magic of that moment...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And some Music...that matches my autumn mood. Kevin Montgomery...

His blog tells more about his music and where he is touring right now...West Coast ,Portland friends heads up...

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Thoughts for a wet soggy Friday....Random photos...and thoughts..


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
First off, this "Tree" , which is now a 20ft Stump is right by my bedroom window...The story is that about a month ago, MrTeabaggeryAsswipe- my next door neighbor DID THIS to the tree right my window. Now I mention this because- a few weeks back, I was fast asleep and woke at 9am to a Chainsaw right by my head. I leaned out the window in all of my JustWokeUpGlory and yelled at Mr.Asswipe and his buddy who were Trimming ALL the Foilage by my House, and then I got dressed and called the cops on him.I had to explain to the cops WHY I thought having a "Neighbor" use Chainsaws by window was NOT ok??? Now the reason that I post this photo now.....well it turns out that it is a perfect perch for Mr and Mrs Cardinal and also for Skippy the FrontPorch Squirrel, so I am not as pissed as I was, and the cats LOVE that Critters come and sit for them.....So....a Happy Ending inspite of Mr.Asswipe...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Leftover soup......It was cold...blustery and wet today....so out came the Dusty Crock Pot....And Leftover Soup...SanFran 49Cents CVS soup-1 can,cup of Organic Baby Carrots,1cup Boathouse Chai tea,can of carbanzo beans,half cup spaghetti sauce,2cups of old cooked cheese spinach Tortellini.,spices...etc...and after 2 hours...excellent....hmmmm...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Munchkin Land..
So I live in a side-by-side....and this summer I decided that instead of having a garden or setting up my patio furniture ...I gave it to my neighbors....because they have two wee ones under 4....and this is how it looked most of the summer...every morning making tea I would look out and see what was happening or little people...Muchkin heaven...best thing I ever did....it was a gift to them...but also to me.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Friday, July 31, 2009

Song for a friend...far far away...


This song is for my friend so so far away, my best friend , he lives in Asia...and he always knows exactly when to call me..yesterday he called me when I was so so down and troubled....and somehow thousands of miles away he Knew....there is no way to thank such a gift...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I will meet you there.” Rumi
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and.......

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Tribute to MJ...


I think he had a very troubled life..alot of pain ..incredible talent...I think he died of a Drug overdose...sadly...I hope they figure it out...because I watched Deppak speak about it on CNN and I think it's sad that as the only thing that relieved his pain...I wish the music could have healed him more..

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

June on the Porch....


A song for friend....dearest fran...we could sit on my porch drink something cool...and watch the son set and talk of our sons...

Ben Taylor "Let it Be"....

Sometimes I just need to escape and watch a good thunderstorm....

Time of the Season....Ben Taylor band...( the new kids version ...with a stormy sky..)

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

When Spring Comes....Blossoms on the Trees and Kitties lounging...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
and when they lounge....they like Tracy Chapman....

and of course Harry is a huge Dave Matthews Fan...

Friday, April 24, 2009

Friday Night...in the Middle of the damned Torture Battle...

Mad World ...Gary Jules...

The Weight ( or as I call it ....THE WAIT...)


Better days linked to the title...cuz we need better days....someday....

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Inspiring quilt and Music.......

Gentle Giant Song....animated...amazing..

The quilt....inspired me to keep working on mine...

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Spring is trying to come....time to come over here and tidy up....


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Poor little Enigma Cafe has been so neglected, Watergate Summer gets all my time....
time for new art and some spring music....Photo from a Peace Rally,
Budapest...last month...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Gary Jules " Umbilical Town":

Click the title for really touching commercial....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"A generous heart, kind speech, and a life of service and compassion are the things that renew humanity." -Buddha

"When people speak badly of you, you should respond in this way: Keep a steady heart and don't reply with harsh words. Practice letting go of resentment and accept that the other's hostility is the spur to your understanding. Be kind, adopt a generous standpoint, treat your enemy as a friend, and suffuse all your world with affectionate thoughts, far-reaching and widespread, limitless and free from hate".~ Buddha

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Still Winter....of course...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
more snow due tomorrow....hmmmm.....how romantic..I guess...
some romantic music..Matt Nathenson...

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Watching Sense and Sensibility....

sick as a dog...but needing some Romance..so watched this on PBS....but had to see the WHOLE series- because I have never seen the WHOLE thing...and so I watched the WHOLE thing on Youtube....really beautifully done..and amazing music...this video below is a montage of the series set to Sia's " Breathe me"....it follows the plight of Marianne and Colonel Brandon...( I am more of an Eleanor person...but that is me...)...BUT if you want to watch the Whole Series click here...

( click the title, another song....)
Eleanor and Edward....

and more scenes set to music...
and more....

And of course my favorite one....set to GooGoo Dolls " Iris"....one of my favorite songs..

another great song...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part One of Whole series....

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Winter Thoughts....and memories...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I went walking in the snow...humming this song....even though I first heard this song at a Concert in 1995.....my son was 4...and he really wanted to see Chuck Barry....and Little Richard....and yes, the opening act was Mary Chapin Carpenter....I had never heard her...I was amazed....but this song reminds me of that hot summer night...the warm 4 year old hand sticky with popcorn and coke....and how his little head smelled of the setting sun and coppertone....my sunkist sleepy son exploring music....it seems like it was yesterday.....

Monday, February 02, 2009

Silent Warrior....

So the video is "Silent Warrior" by Enigma, as many of us did feel it was a silent raging battle in the Bush Years.........and many of us blogged on...late night writers heaving our angst on the keyboard...and screens...

Friday, January 30, 2009

A Train to Anywhere....


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This photo is from earlier in the month....3 feet of snow ago...we are setting a record...for snowiest January ever...me, I am fantasizing about taking a train to anywhere......

Monday, January 19, 2009

4 AM Hopemongering....

{{{ This is just a 4 AM-Can Not Sleep Post...my MLK post will be up later today....and there is plenty down below...this is just some Hopemongering Music...}}}
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I had to go to work yesterday afternoon, and this was the last song I heard and watched from the Lincoln Memorial Event was " Shower the People" sung by James Taylor and John Legend and others.....This Song has been my song since I was 15, it is the one song that says all that I believe in ....and I have sung and lived it through thick and thin...and some Very Bad Times....It is my Anchor ...That showering people with Love Makes Us Stronger...always... I have lullabyed my son to it, sung it to sick PEDS and NICU babes,hummed it to dying AIDS patients and friends, and danced at weddings to it and driven across this Country seeing Our Country in the background....I Know it is what keeps Us Together....( and HBO can kiss my ass I am posting THIS song...watch the people swaying together by the thousands....so moving....)

Video Below is Highlights of Obama Speaking (2004) at the Convention.(My story.... I have blogged before how I was living in a rooming house on the California Coast , in one room that summer with my teenage son, having lost Everything as a Witness and Whistleblower on a Huge Federal Criminal Environmental Case that Bush's People shut down....Covered Up....Hope was beyond Fragile...and 6-6 made me Stop and Listen to This Man Talking about E.Pluribus Unum....We The People, We are ONE People....and 6-6 said "He will be President One Day"....and I thought hmm, yeah...One Day...NOW we KNOW that ONE DAY IS HERE....and I am beyond grateful that this One Man Planted a Seed of Hope with Us and Millions of Others....)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I've got soul...but I'm not a soldier....

by the "Killers."..

Rivers of Belief.....And the Silent Warrior....And the Return to Innocence...

My son discovered this band when he was about three and four...and he loved them..Enigma...except he called them the "Rocking Monks"...they went on every road trip and he spent hours playing with Lego with them blasting in the background....
and to this day...we both still love this group...they are soothing...spiritual and magical....wise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rivers of Belief....

Silent Warrior......

The Return to Innocence....

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Just want an Ordinary Word....again...


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Walked home in the snow....followed someone's else's prints in the snow...thought how nice it was to have fresh prints to follow...nice to have someone to Follow...and realized it was not about the Snow...it was about the Bush Regime ending...how I count the days and hours...I want to Follow Someone Else..I am ready...much hard work to do...but am very very ready...am tired of walking alone and waiting....No More Waiting...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
lullabye I sang to my son....a long time ago...Duran Duran "Ordinary World"...funny how the song means more now...all I want is an Ordinary World again...not wake up more worried than I went to sleep...worried the King has done Something More Stupid...

Saturday Music..." 10,000 MIles...I 'll Fly Away"....

When I would drive to see my patients I would play this song all the time..."Fare Thee Well"....it is more of a blessing song... a prayer for those you care about....wishing them peace...wishing them well....

Friday, January 09, 2009

Witnessing Change...

Friday Music:::Honoring all of us, Witnessing History as we WAIT for Change......I picked the song today with that spirit in mind...( and taking a break from the Goodbye for the Feeble King)....Sarah McLachlan " Witness"...the lyrics are pretty amazing...,,,

"Make me a witness.....take me out.....out of darkness...out of doubt ,
I won't weigh you down....with good intention.....won't make fire out of clay....or other inventions,
Will we burn in heaven ?....like we do down here....will the Change come?....while we're waiting...
Everyone is waiting"

Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Saturday, January 03, 2009

A Respite Offered.......

Sometimes in my mind....I need to go Somewhere Else....and One Day I will get off the NO Fly List...and I have long list of places I hunger to explore.....Beautiful Gardens in Bali....peaceful tranquil.....It's funny but growing up I used to go with my Aunt Elizabeth and watch Travelogues that the AAA used to have, except the members would create slideshows to music....it's funny how much they remind me of Youtube...oh how my wonderful Auntie Elizabeth all 4ft 11inchs of her would have loved the Internet and Youtube....

More Bali...East Bali...

More....see how beautiful these children are...and how different it is...

The Market....such gentle people....beautiful art and crafted goods...