Monday, August 22, 2011

My Planned Parenthood Story....


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As a young girl folks don't know this, but I moved out Early, and also fell in love early. Finding Love was easy enough in the Seventies, but finding Birth Control was not as easy. And I was not the kind of girl to talk about sex or birth control. I was shy, nerdy and a little geeky. But I also was the kind of girl to have strange goals. I was very much in love the Summer of 1976 and it was my First Love. We decided that we wanted to Celebrate Independence Day in a momentous way. So yes, I lost my Virginity on Our Country's 200th Birthday, I guess you could say that makes me rather Patriotic....And to add to my patriotic Legacy, 14 years later I actually got pregnant on Independence Day......Planned Parenthood is a dear part of my Reproductive History, and truth be told I would not have my son without them.

Planned Parenthood entered the scene while I was in High school. It was the first place where we could go to get Birth Control and The Pill. This was the Era where Abortion became Legal, but when also backroom abortions were still happening. So the Fear of getting pregnant was very real for young girls and women. For girls and women Sex and Birth Control and Abortion and Pregnancy were still not topics easily discussed or shared. The person who really shared and taught me was my 79 year old Aunt Elizabeth. She was Widowed and that 16th summer I got my Drivers License I would drive her to meet her "lover", and it opened up many conversations to Life Lessons I sorely needed. There are not many people that show up to their Planned Parenthood appointment with the Great Aunt asking questions about the Newest Birth Control. ( She wanted to see "The Diaphragm" and once she saw it, and held it in her hand " Well, isn't that Ingenious !" in her soft West Virginia way. )

So off I went to Planned Parenthood to learn about Birth Control and also sex and also my Period. It was finally a place where I could ask questions and learn what I needed to know. My last two years of High School I went to an All Boys School, where I quickly realized that I didn't want sex yet and that I knew nothing about my body. And for someone who is a Science geek that was a heavy realization. I also realized that I wanted to Fall in Love, but that I didn't want Sex until I fell in Love. ( So much for my mother's theory that I was "sex crazed" and that was WHY I wanted to go to the Boy's School. Truth be told I wanted to go to the Boys School because they had excellent Science and Math courses that I craved. I went on a scholarship and graduated early. And to be honest at that School I learned that Boys could be my friends, and I learned that I suck at Dating.)

But for me I also learned that there were things about me that I needed to know. By the time I was almost 20 I learned thank to Planned Parenthood that I did indeed have Endometriosis. This diagnosis would change everything, it would change how I felt about Sex and my body. I thought there was Something Wrong with me, that I was not enjoying my young body or Sex. But Planned Parenthood helped me understand that all of the Pain and the Bleeding were not in my "head" and that I was not "defective". They helped me get medicine for the Pain and they would rehydrate me when I was dehydrated from the bleeding. And they even had advice about the Sexual issues that plague such a disease. And they also early on explained to me that Endometriosis must be taken seriously as it does effect the ability to have Babies and stay Pregnant.

And so over the years while in Nursing School and as a young nurse with limited income Planned Parenthood did help me cope with this Disease. And that also meant they helped me cope with 4 miscarriages before I ever was to get pregnant and have my son. Most people think of Planned Parenthood and they think of Abortion Aid, but they don't realize that Planned Parenthood helps Millions of Young Women take care of their bodies and cope with so many other reproductive issues. For me they helped me find Hope while I coped with a disease that was indeed posing reproductive challenges. And by the time I was 29 Living in Seattle, they helped me find Doctors working with Endometriosis and Fertility Challenges and with High Risk Pregnancies. And all of those years Planned Parenthood helped me with the excessive Bleeding, the dangerous Hematocrits, the Dehydration, the Infections, and yes, the pain and loss of miscarriages.

And so by the time I was 30 and living in Seattle I still very much wanted a child. I was taking care working ER and also taking care of AIDS patients, and working at one of the first AIDS Hospices in the Country. And because I was taking care of so many that were young and dying and many that were my friends, I wanted more than ever to bring some Life into this world. And so finally in my 30th year, after coping with severe Endometriosis for over 13 yrs I finally got Pregnant and was able to have a baby. It was a complicated pregnancy and a very dangerous delivery, but my son and I both survived and I was so thankful to finally have a Baby Boy. And 5 years later I would have to have a Hysterectomy due to the damage of the Endometriosis, so truly the Clock was ticking.....

And this summer while so many disparaging horrific falsehoods have been spread about this fine Medical Organization, few have remembered the Truth about the Medical Care they provide to so many. Less than 3% of their services are actually spent on Abortions. And they do provide Birth Control, but they also provide reproductive care, and that includes pregnancy care and prenatal care and even postnatal care and referrals to WIC. And they are providing care to young mothers and even those that want to be mothers.

And so this is my story, just one of millions, and why I am grateful to Planned Parenthood. They were there for me, and I try to be there for them. Through the years as a young Nursing Student and as a young Nurse I have tried to always donate Time, Supplies, and funds if I have them. There is no end to my gratitude.... I have a Son ...because of the Work they do.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Unexpected Beauty....


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"There is nothing you can see that is not a flower; there is nothing you can think that is not the moon. "(Matsuo Basho- Japanese poet)
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Nothing makes me happier than to see Something Beautiful...unexpected..unplanned....like walking the dog and suddenly seeing Purple Clematis or wild red roses on an abandoned house......It takes one's breath away....

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

And then there was Summer.....It's the little things that bring Happiness...

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Fixed up the front porch......I don't go out there much ....but it is nice to have a place to hang the flag....
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Fixed up the Back porch....my oasis...
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And I needed a desk....so I made one out of odds and ends.....
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painted the bathroom...and made curtains ( a woman in the hood was foreclosed...she threw our her 1955 Dotted Swiss Wedding Dress..most of it was ruined but I saved what I could and made curtains..)....Everything was found, the wonders of Curbside Shopping on Sundays......the glass vase...the beautiful stained glass...
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Our beautiful little yellow dog...lying in the sun......
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I made this , Stained glass art, glass marbles and beads and sandy mortar I call it " Rain on the Beach"....making something that reminds me of the Beach really cheers my soul....

Sunday, May 15, 2011

The Porch and Mind Wanderings...


I have been working on my little back porch. It is my escape, my haven, my refuge from most things I don't want to think about. It is where I go to feed my soul and heal hidden wounds. It is where I go to let my mind wander.

The pots are all salvaged from the curb on Sunday Eves. Over the winter I painted them a pale creamy white to hide chips and damage. All winter I would walk every day, 15 minutes at least, and if the snow was deep and impossible I would walk to the Market and buy seeds while I cursed the Siberian Landscape. Those seeds were my hope....I bought vegetable seeds and petunia and clematis and morning glorys.....And as I trudged home from the market I would have green thoughts.

Truthfully I need an oasis at this point, I need a place of solitude to regroup and gather myself. But the three little girls next door are everywhere, constant motion and noise and energy. I finally realized that maybe I don't need silence, I need these little souls around me. They come and finger the plants, kindly offering help when I don't feel good, and asking for Popsicles or snacks. They have beautiful eyes and sweet souls.....and sometimes they just want to sit on the porch with the Purple lacy cushion. On some level I think they know I am feeling broken, and they know that they bring Light to my little porch.

The beautiful delicate Blown glass vase holds Lilacs...I can sit and read and smell them and that moment heals everything that went wrong during the day...And at night there is a candle that smells of pineapple and Rosemary and Thyme, I can sit in the dark and dream of other places to come and places that I hold dear....and people that I miss.

My Ex is dating.....We have been divorced 5 years, separated even longer. It is time. He has been kind about it, and we remain good close friends, talking almost daily. But I also know that he does not call me from home very often and he has been gentle in telling me he has plans or is going out. I know she is younger, and that they do things together. They go out for meals and go biking and for hikes. And on some level I know that my hiking and biking days are over, that I should be glad that he has someone to do these things that he loves. And they go out for meals, and that part really hurts, because no one takes me out for meals, and he actually rarely did that for me. Once I became a mom, he only took me out for a meal once. I remember it well, I paid for the meal and the sitter. And then Mothers Day came and went, there was nothing, no cards , no flowers, nothing. Not even a phone call. In many ways it should not upset me, as all of our marriage many Birthdays and Mothers Days passed with Nothing, but now that he was with someone else who is not a a mom...the sting was deeper this time.

So that weekend I worked on The Porch all weekend, it was a Gift to myself....I know that...I know that I sound petty and selfish saying that...

I planned the porch, I built a bench for a window seat to sit and read, but also a place to hide my recycling. I painted chairs and tables and found a beautiful color, "Evening in Paris" ( it looks like Sunset Indigo to me, but the color alone reminds me of California). Just having that color near makes me smile and forget where I am....My mind can wander....to Somewhere else and Away from Everything....
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The Garden planted...waiting...

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The Steps leading to the Porch....only 5 steps...no more Hill or 29 steps to get Home

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Rain...and More Rain....


“Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby.”Langston Hughes

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Being a Mama....


I blogged on Watergate Summer about President Obama and his mama,about the political implications of this photo. I am so struck by this photo, how young she looks. I loved that she is down on the ground with him , next to him. She looks so strong and yet so vulnerable in that moment. In a way that is what parenting is, captured moments...They are only small for such a small amount of time...it goes so fast. Too fast.

Beauty in a Broken Moment.....


Beauty is where you find it...in a moment...it can be small...it can be large...it can be fragile and even broken....but still it is there....The person who took this photo knew how to see beauty that others would have walked by....

Monday, April 25, 2011

Rain and More Rain....


"Some People just get wet, Some feel the Rain" Boy Dylan
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I love that she is Barefoot and that she is running and that Trees are there.....I love that she is in the Midst of it...I love that she is moving towards her Future....This winter was wretched...and it has been relatively cold this this spring, but finally Rains arrived this week and Storms....so maybe Spring is coming....or trying to....and I ready to embrace it....

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Grabbing the Moment...


"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."~Teddy Roosevelt
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I love this photo....I love that it is a Moment grabbed in time, held tenderly. This photo was taken by Henry Winkler while he was fishing and he posted it to Twitter in a generous moment of sharing. He was fishing and he turned around and realized that this view was precious....Bless him for that...